Rethinking Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do, especially when the pain caused by someone’s words or actions lingers. It stays because it is revisited, replayed, and relived, fermenting inside like an intoxicating emotion. What starts as sadness often turns into anger, and at this level of pain, forgiveness feels almost impossible.

But what does it really mean to forgive?

For so long, forgiveness may have been understood as forgetting the pain inflicted by others. People say that if you don’t forgive, you will suffer. But forgiveness should not be an excuse for others to hurt you again and again. That’s why it feels so hard—because forgiving can feel like giving them another chance to wound you.

Trying to forgive those who have hurt you can be exhausting. No matter how hard you try, the pain resurfaces, making it impossible to let go. Maybe the focus has been on the wrong part all along.

Perhaps forgiveness isn’t about erasing the pain or forcing yourself to forget. Maybe, if their actions are not labeled as hurt, there wouldn’t even be a need to forgive. Because if you don’t allow yourself to be wounded, then what is there to forgive?

So the real question is: How do you stop getting hurt by people?

Maybe the key is not to believe everything you see or hear. Take a moment to reflect—is this really about you? Or is it about them—aching inside, looking for a victim to attack?

And if you feel hurt, perhaps that means you’ve stepped into the trap. But what if you could step aside instead? Just observe. See their pain for what it is. Maybe even feel compassion for them. Maybe even pray for them.

But first, be aware—don’t step into the trap.

True freedom isn’t about forcing yourself to let go—it’s about realizing that you never have to hold on in the first place.